I have mixed feelings about applying for full professor. In the spring, i wanted to give up, but know that if i never try, there is only one result. So i started to prepare the peer teaching evaluations, it was something deep in my mind that i still want to apply.
I got invited to host SCUDEM and be the faculty coach, i turned down that invitation but picked it up later. I got invited to be the guest editor for NRM and later to be the leader of the team.
I began passionately coaching students on SIMIODE modeling materials and advising research projects. I have loved it! This is the feeling that i haven’t had in a long time, the excitement, the eager to learn everything interests me, the love of God.
I began to feel irritated the past several days because of the preparation process. I have to write, a lot, and find the appropriate dates, info on what i have done in the past 10 years, although i have collected documents over the years. I began to be afraid what if i cannot get promoted, rather than just have a try. I know my record and know my strong areas and backbones. I am easily getting frustrated and irritated by others’ comments, my kids’ behavior which i cannot stand.
Until my hubby told me that i looked ugly in the face. There is evil thing coming out of my mouth because of it. What you have inside will show out. It is your subconscious. It is deeply rooted in your heart.
I need to stop it. I read:
When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.
Oh, Father, hold onto me, and teach me how to fly and be submissive to you.
Purify my heart, let me bear the fruits of love, gentleness, faithfulness, peace, patience, joy, goodness, kindness and self control.