See you

Though I do not see you in face

I know you in my heart and through my hardship, I see you

It is not easy to see you with my own eyes

I tried to escape from you, hide from you

I stayed in my shell and darkness

Until one day I have nowhere to go

I need your light, shine upon me

I was refusing free will, but eventually I found it is the most precious gift I’ve ever had

Born in flesh, I was reborn in your mercy and love

Hold me tight, walk with me, fight my battle, grow in You

Be like you, infinitesimal close to you, my love and broom 

I have so many questions to ask, 

When I really see you in heaven, 

All the answers will be revealed to me

I am so looking forward to seeing you


My God saved me

I love the universe, the ocean. I didn’t get the chance to be an astrophysicist or oceanographer, I am an applied mathematician. I enjoy reading the info on Facebook about the universe and the ocean. It opens a door for me to peek in and enjoy.

I once thought if we just believe in God the moment before we die, we will go to heaven and yet enjoyed the life on earth. Since I don’t want any reward from God, if I can only be a gatekeeper for Him. 

I was wrong. 

If we can live the life with God together, the earlier the better. Because through Him, we can live a more abundant life, a life full of peace and joy despite the hardship, difficulties and sickness. With Him in our life, either He walks with us, or He carries is in His arms, we have a positive, joyful life. 

After going through a very dark time, physically and emotionally, I almost gave up, deep in my mind, I knew God will not leave me nor forsake me, but I felt hopeless. It was a feeling that you don’t want to live, yet you don’t have the courage to commit suicide. Spiritually it was very uneasy. 

But God keeps His promise, He saved me before I totally sank in the darkness. The revitalization, the re-born, the renewal is unbelievable and indescribable. I love life again. I was not interested in anything. You may call it depression/anxiety, but it was a spiritual war. It is a war between yourself, the old one rooting deeply with a sprout coming from God. I took med before, I was told I need to take it for the rest of my life, just like med for high blood pressure. I didn’t believe it and I stopped my med long time ago. I pray I will never have it again, and I may be able to help someone because I experienced it. If it does happen, I will not be afraid, since my God is with me. He is my strength, my comforter and my love. 

He opens door for me, doors I never imagined that I can enter. Maybe deep in my heart, the very bottom, I trusted Him, I stepped out one small step, put my feet into the Jordan river, then it opens, widely open. 

Tears in my eyes, they are the rains after a long drought, they are the sstreams in the desert. I can not express my great gratitude to my God, long before I was born, He loved me, He loves me now, and He will love me until I see Him. 

It is such a splendid idea that we can live with Him together forever, for eternity.

I still have so many unanswered questions, many may not be answered when I am alive, it doesn’t matter. I know He loves me, He has mercy on me, a dirt from earth, that is enough. 

May all the glory and praise be given to Him. Amen!


I am very thankful to God, my almighty Lord.

I love the positive attitude and status I am currently experiencing, it is so good. 

I get up early (occasionally 4:30am) and sleep well, I wake up naturally and feel energized. It was impossible just a few months ago when I was unable to wake up. I could sleep hours. 

How did it happen? When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either He will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

I began to enjoy reading the scriptures again, using YouVersion Bible app. You can choose to do small 5-day, 7-day, 14-day, 60-day… challenge to start building yourself up. I also read Streams in the Desert. God’s words fill in my body, I eat it, drink it, feel it, and use it. 

I am very thankful. I gave up on myself, and thought I would live a zombie life to the end, and sink to the bottom. I lost any momentum and interest, but God renewed me, strengthened me and revived me. I pray this re-born can last to the end of the day I see Him. 

I pray the gift that God has granted me will be doubled with fruits. I honor and glorify Him in everything I do, to show that I am the child of God, an honorable descendant of Him, the One of the Past, Current and Future. 




I have mixed feelings about applying for full professor. In the spring, i wanted to give up, but know that if i never try, there is only one result. So i started to prepare the peer teaching evaluations, it was something deep in my mind that i still want to apply.

I got invited to host SCUDEM and be the faculty coach, i turned down that invitation but picked it up later. I got invited to be the guest editor for NRM and later to be the leader of the team.

I began passionately coaching students on SIMIODE modeling materials and advising research projects. I have loved it! This is the feeling that i haven’t had in a long time, the excitement, the eager to learn everything interests me, the love of God. 

I began to feel irritated the past several days because of the preparation process. I have to write, a lot, and find the appropriate dates, info on what i have done in the past 10 years, although i have collected documents over the years. I began to be afraid what if i cannot get promoted, rather than just have a try. I know my record and know my strong  areas and backbones. I am easily getting frustrated and irritated by others’ comments, my kids’ behavior which i cannot stand.

Until my hubby told me that i looked ugly in the face. There is evil thing coming out of my mouth because of it. What you have inside will show out. It is your subconscious.  It is deeply rooted in your heart. 

I need to stop it. I read:

When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

Oh, Father, hold onto me, and teach me how to fly and be submissive to you.

Purify my heart, let me bear the fruits of love, gentleness, faithfulness, peace, patience, joy, goodness, kindness and self control.



My Journey

I have not felt well in the past one and half years, spiritually and physically. It is a hard period of time. Although i have a great husband and two wonderful kids, they tolerate me. But…

I am still not quite sure how it happened, but I do know it is God. He works miraculously and changed me. I used to complain very often, get upset easily (I still do, but I will improve), and didn’t enjoy life. I wished i could stay at the moment where i was and continued until I died. It sounds insane, but it was my true feeling. That was one of the darkest moments I had.

My husband recommended a Bible reading App: YouVersion, he is a much stronger and consistent believer in Christ. I am very thankful to have him in my life when i was only 19 and have been continuing together throughout the years. I started to read it using the plan feature, since it requires very little effort to keep up and after i finished in a short time, i feel rewarded. 

Also my husband had to travel for a month and i needed to take care of two boys. On the bottom of my heart i know i can do it because “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I did it and I got closer to my kids and husband. God works through hardship to enhance you.

I sincerely wish i can go further in my Lord, who saved me from my death and revived me ever since. 



I am really, sincerely thankful to God, His great mercy and love, send me my husband, advisor and family, without them, I won't be today.

I feel extremely lucky and spoiled to be in His grace. Words cannot express my feeling right now how grateful I am.

Oh, Lord, I Thank you very much for everything I've experienced. It is humble to have you in my life.

I've complained a lot, abandoned myself, but you never left me nor forsake me. I just pray that I dwell in Your house and hear you and honor you.

Please keep my husband and kids and everyone who I cherish and cherish me, who prayed for me over the years in your palm and may your grace pour upon them forever.

Thank you!

God Can Restore Your Lost Years (ZT)

Money can be restored. Property can be restored—broken-down cars, stripped painting, old houses. Relationships can be restored. But one thing that can never be restored is time. Time flies and it does not return. Years pass and we never get them back.

Yet God promises the impossible: “I will restore the years that the locust has eaten” (Joel 2:25). The immediate meaning of this promise is clear. God’s people had suffered the complete destruction of their entire harvest through swarms of locusts that marched like an insect army through the fields, destroying the crops, multiplying their number as they went.

For four consecutive years, the harvest was completely wiped out. God’s people were brought to their knees in more ways than one. But “the Lord became jealous for his land and had pity on his people.” God said, “Behold I am sending to you grain, wine and oil, and you will be satisfied (Joel 2:18-19).

In the coming years, God said, their fields would yield an abundance that would make up for what had been lost: “The threshing floor shall be full of grain; the vats shall overflow with wine and oil. . . . You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied” (Joel 2:24, 26).

This wonderful promise for those people meant that years of abundant harvests would follow the years of desolation brought about by the locusts.

But God has also put this promise in the Bible for us today.

Lost Years of Our Lives

What do “lost years” look like for us? Lost years (or locust years) are years that you can’t get back, and they come in many varieties.

Lost years are fruitless years. A lot of hard work was done in the years the locusts had eaten. After everything was destroyed, the people must have thought, All this work and what do I have to show for it? Some of you know this pain in the world of business—a failed venture, a bad investment, a misguided policy, and all the effort that you put in day-by-day, month-by-month, year-by-year led only to massive disappointment. You think, What has come of all my time and all my effort? 

Lost years are painful years. I’m thinking of those who have lost a loved one. You had plans for the future, but now you fear the coming years may be empty. I’m thinking also of those who live with illness in the body or the mind. You assumed that you would always be able to do what you used to do. You have to find a way to live with the disappointment that you cannot.

Lost years are selfish years. Here’s a story that’s been repeated thousands of times. There’s a person (let’s call him Jim) who made a commitment to Christ, but it didn’t run deep. Faith in Jesus was a slice of the big pie of his busy life, filled with all the things that Jim wanted to pursue. Then one day, God gets hold of Jim. He is spiritually awakened. He says to himself, What in the world have I been doing? There’s no substance in my life. I really want it to count for Christ. I want to live in the power of the Spirit. I want to make a difference in the world, but the locusts have eaten half my life! I’ve wasted my years on myself.

Lost years are loveless years. A division comes to a family, alienating loved ones. Children grow up, and those years cannot be recovered. A marriage quietly endures in which love has been burning low for many years. You see a couple who are really in love, and you say, “I wish I could be loved like that.” Or you have not yet met the person you would like to meet. It feels like the years are moving on. You can never get them back. The locusts have eaten them.

Lost years are rebellious years. Perhaps you grew up with many blessings, but in your heart you wanted to rebel. You didn’t fully understand this urge, but you gave yourself to it. Instead of bringing you pleasure, rebellion brought you pain. Now you look back on those years with regret, the years that the locusts have eaten.

Lost years are misdirected years. The path you chose in your career or at college was a dead end. You just didn’t fit. Often in your mind, and sometimes in your conversation, you say, “How did I end up here? If only. . . . If only I had made that move. . . . If only I had taken that opportunity. . . . If only I had chosen a different path.” But the moment has passed. It’s gone. You can’t go back to it. You’re left with locust years.

Lost years are Christ-less years. All Christ-less years are locust years. This point is worth thinking about if you have not yet made a commitment to Christ. Ask anyone who came to faith in Christ later in life, and they will tell you that they wish they’d come to Christ sooner than they did: “How much foolishness I would have avoided. How much more good might have been done through my life.”

How God Restores Lost Years

Take heart! There is hope, because God can restore your lost, locust years. He does so in three ways.

God can restore lost years by deepening your communion with Christ. “You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God” (Joel 2:27). These people, who have endured so much, enjoy a communion with the Lord that is far greater than anything they had ever known before in their religious lives. Christ can restore lost years by deepening your fellowship with him.

Why not ask him for this? Tell him, “Lord, I have spent too many years without you, too many years at a distance from you. Fill my heart with love and gratitude for Christ. Let the loss of these years make my love for Christ greater than it would ever have been. Restore to me the years the locusts have eaten. “

God can restore lost years by multiplying your fruitfulness. The harvests for these people had been wiped out for four years, but God restored the years that the locusts had eaten by giving bumper harvests.

This provision makes me think about the parable where Jesus spoke about a harvest that could be 30-, 60-, or 100-fold. There’s a huge difference between these three harvests. Three years at 100-fold is as much fruit as a decade at 30-fold.

Why not ask him for this? “Lord, the locusts have eaten too many years of our lives. You have called us as your disciples to bear fruit that will last. Too many fruitless years have passed. Now Lord, we ask of you, give us some years now in which more lasting fruit will be born than in all of our years of small harvests.”

God can restore lost years by bringing long-term gain from short-term loss.The effect of these great trials in your life will be that “the tested genuineness of your faith . . . may result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7). The praise, glory, and honor go to Christ because his power guarded you and kept you through the hardest years of your life.

Thinking about “years that the locust has eaten,” years that have been taken, I think of something Isaiah said about our Lord Jesus: “He was cut off out of the land of the living” (Isaiah 53:8).

Here was the Lord Jesus in the prime of life. He was three years into his ministry at 33 years old. You would think that a man launching a new enterprise at the age of 33 has everything in front of him. But Isaiah says, “He was cut off.” He was cut off because he came under the judgment of God, not for his own sins—because he had none—but for ours.

Our sins, our grief, our sorrows, were laid on him. Our judgment fell on him. Our locusts swarmed all over him. The life of God’s tender shoot was “cut off.” Then, on the third day, the Son of God rose in the power of an eternal life. He offers himself to you, and he says what no one else can ever say: “I will restore the years that the locusts have eaten.”

God Can Restore Your Lost Years, by Colin Smith

Be humble and My Dream

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” I truly believe faith (not religion) guides the science you are doing. If you truly believe God created the world, and you want to find the origin of the universe as an astrophysicist, if He reveals to you, then read Genesis. The universe has billions of years of history, and yet the first 380,000 years after the creation, no one understand how it begins. Be humble, do your work 100%, prepare your heart, wait for His answer. 

I have a dream that in the beginning of every class I teach, I can pray for the whole class. Everyone prepares their hearts to be wise with listening ears. I don’t know if ever I am allowed to do this, it is my dream.