Pray

I have mixed feelings about applying for full professor. In the spring, i wanted to give up, but know that if i never try, there is only one result. So i started to prepare the peer teaching evaluations, it was something deep in my mind that i still want to apply.

I got invited to host SCUDEM and be the faculty coach, i turned down that invitation but picked it up later. I got invited to be the guest editor for NRM and later to be the leader of the team.

I began passionately coaching students on SIMIODE modeling materials and advising research projects. I have loved it! This is the feeling that i haven’t had in a long time, the excitement, the eager to learn everything interests me, the love of God. 

I began to feel irritated the past several days because of the preparation process. I have to write, a lot, and find the appropriate dates, info on what i have done in the past 10 years, although i have collected documents over the years. I began to be afraid what if i cannot get promoted, rather than just have a try. I know my record and know my strong  areas and backbones. I am easily getting frustrated and irritated by others’ comments, my kids’ behavior which i cannot stand.

Until my hubby told me that i looked ugly in the face. There is evil thing coming out of my mouth because of it. What you have inside will show out. It is your subconscious.  It is deeply rooted in your heart. 

I need to stop it. I read:

When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

Oh, Father, hold onto me, and teach me how to fly and be submissive to you.

Purify my heart, let me bear the fruits of love, gentleness, faithfulness, peace, patience, joy, goodness, kindness and self control.

 

 

My Journey

I have not felt well in the past one and half years, spiritually and physically. It is a hard period of time. Although i have a great husband and two wonderful kids, they tolerate me. But…

I am still not quite sure how it happened, but I do know it is God. He works miraculously and changed me. I used to complain very often, get upset easily (I still do, but I will improve), and didn’t enjoy life. I wished i could stay at the moment where i was and continued until I died. It sounds insane, but it was my true feeling. That was one of the darkest moments I had.

My husband recommended a Bible reading App: YouVersion, he is a much stronger and consistent believer in Christ. I am very thankful to have him in my life when i was only 19 and have been continuing together throughout the years. I started to read it using the plan feature, since it requires very little effort to keep up and after i finished in a short time, i feel rewarded. 

Also my husband had to travel for a month and i needed to take care of two boys. On the bottom of my heart i know i can do it because “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I did it and I got closer to my kids and husband. God works through hardship to enhance you.

I sincerely wish i can go further in my Lord, who saved me from my death and revived me ever since. 

 

感恩

I am really, sincerely thankful to God, His great mercy and love, send me my husband, advisor and family, without them, I won't be today.

I feel extremely lucky and spoiled to be in His grace. Words cannot express my feeling right now how grateful I am.

Oh, Lord, I Thank you very much for everything I've experienced. It is humble to have you in my life.

I've complained a lot, abandoned myself, but you never left me nor forsake me. I just pray that I dwell in Your house and hear you and honor you.

Please keep my husband and kids and everyone who I cherish and cherish me, who prayed for me over the years in your palm and may your grace pour upon them forever.

Thank you!

God Can Restore Your Lost Years (ZT)

Money can be restored. Property can be restored—broken-down cars, stripped painting, old houses. Relationships can be restored. But one thing that can never be restored is time. Time flies and it does not return. Years pass and we never get them back.

Yet God promises the impossible: “I will restore the years that the locust has eaten” (Joel 2:25). The immediate meaning of this promise is clear. God’s people had suffered the complete destruction of their entire harvest through swarms of locusts that marched like an insect army through the fields, destroying the crops, multiplying their number as they went.

For four consecutive years, the harvest was completely wiped out. God’s people were brought to their knees in more ways than one. But “the Lord became jealous for his land and had pity on his people.” God said, “Behold I am sending to you grain, wine and oil, and you will be satisfied (Joel 2:18-19).

In the coming years, God said, their fields would yield an abundance that would make up for what had been lost: “The threshing floor shall be full of grain; the vats shall overflow with wine and oil. . . . You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied” (Joel 2:24, 26).

This wonderful promise for those people meant that years of abundant harvests would follow the years of desolation brought about by the locusts.

But God has also put this promise in the Bible for us today.

Lost Years of Our Lives

What do “lost years” look like for us? Lost years (or locust years) are years that you can’t get back, and they come in many varieties.

Lost years are fruitless years. A lot of hard work was done in the years the locusts had eaten. After everything was destroyed, the people must have thought, All this work and what do I have to show for it? Some of you know this pain in the world of business—a failed venture, a bad investment, a misguided policy, and all the effort that you put in day-by-day, month-by-month, year-by-year led only to massive disappointment. You think, What has come of all my time and all my effort? 

Lost years are painful years. I’m thinking of those who have lost a loved one. You had plans for the future, but now you fear the coming years may be empty. I’m thinking also of those who live with illness in the body or the mind. You assumed that you would always be able to do what you used to do. You have to find a way to live with the disappointment that you cannot.

Lost years are selfish years. Here’s a story that’s been repeated thousands of times. There’s a person (let’s call him Jim) who made a commitment to Christ, but it didn’t run deep. Faith in Jesus was a slice of the big pie of his busy life, filled with all the things that Jim wanted to pursue. Then one day, God gets hold of Jim. He is spiritually awakened. He says to himself, What in the world have I been doing? There’s no substance in my life. I really want it to count for Christ. I want to live in the power of the Spirit. I want to make a difference in the world, but the locusts have eaten half my life! I’ve wasted my years on myself.

Lost years are loveless years. A division comes to a family, alienating loved ones. Children grow up, and those years cannot be recovered. A marriage quietly endures in which love has been burning low for many years. You see a couple who are really in love, and you say, “I wish I could be loved like that.” Or you have not yet met the person you would like to meet. It feels like the years are moving on. You can never get them back. The locusts have eaten them.

Lost years are rebellious years. Perhaps you grew up with many blessings, but in your heart you wanted to rebel. You didn’t fully understand this urge, but you gave yourself to it. Instead of bringing you pleasure, rebellion brought you pain. Now you look back on those years with regret, the years that the locusts have eaten.

Lost years are misdirected years. The path you chose in your career or at college was a dead end. You just didn’t fit. Often in your mind, and sometimes in your conversation, you say, “How did I end up here? If only. . . . If only I had made that move. . . . If only I had taken that opportunity. . . . If only I had chosen a different path.” But the moment has passed. It’s gone. You can’t go back to it. You’re left with locust years.

Lost years are Christ-less years. All Christ-less years are locust years. This point is worth thinking about if you have not yet made a commitment to Christ. Ask anyone who came to faith in Christ later in life, and they will tell you that they wish they’d come to Christ sooner than they did: “How much foolishness I would have avoided. How much more good might have been done through my life.”

How God Restores Lost Years

Take heart! There is hope, because God can restore your lost, locust years. He does so in three ways.

God can restore lost years by deepening your communion with Christ. “You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God” (Joel 2:27). These people, who have endured so much, enjoy a communion with the Lord that is far greater than anything they had ever known before in their religious lives. Christ can restore lost years by deepening your fellowship with him.

Why not ask him for this? Tell him, “Lord, I have spent too many years without you, too many years at a distance from you. Fill my heart with love and gratitude for Christ. Let the loss of these years make my love for Christ greater than it would ever have been. Restore to me the years the locusts have eaten. “

God can restore lost years by multiplying your fruitfulness. The harvests for these people had been wiped out for four years, but God restored the years that the locusts had eaten by giving bumper harvests.

This provision makes me think about the parable where Jesus spoke about a harvest that could be 30-, 60-, or 100-fold. There’s a huge difference between these three harvests. Three years at 100-fold is as much fruit as a decade at 30-fold.

Why not ask him for this? “Lord, the locusts have eaten too many years of our lives. You have called us as your disciples to bear fruit that will last. Too many fruitless years have passed. Now Lord, we ask of you, give us some years now in which more lasting fruit will be born than in all of our years of small harvests.”

God can restore lost years by bringing long-term gain from short-term loss.The effect of these great trials in your life will be that “the tested genuineness of your faith . . . may result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7). The praise, glory, and honor go to Christ because his power guarded you and kept you through the hardest years of your life.

Thinking about “years that the locust has eaten,” years that have been taken, I think of something Isaiah said about our Lord Jesus: “He was cut off out of the land of the living” (Isaiah 53:8).

Here was the Lord Jesus in the prime of life. He was three years into his ministry at 33 years old. You would think that a man launching a new enterprise at the age of 33 has everything in front of him. But Isaiah says, “He was cut off.” He was cut off because he came under the judgment of God, not for his own sins—because he had none—but for ours.

Our sins, our grief, our sorrows, were laid on him. Our judgment fell on him. Our locusts swarmed all over him. The life of God’s tender shoot was “cut off.” Then, on the third day, the Son of God rose in the power of an eternal life. He offers himself to you, and he says what no one else can ever say: “I will restore the years that the locusts have eaten.”

God Can Restore Your Lost Years, by Colin Smith

Be humble and My Dream

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” I truly believe faith (not religion) guides the science you are doing. If you truly believe God created the world, and you want to find the origin of the universe as an astrophysicist, if He reveals to you, then read Genesis. The universe has billions of years of history, and yet the first 380,000 years after the creation, no one understand how it begins. Be humble, do your work 100%, prepare your heart, wait for His answer. 

I have a dream that in the beginning of every class I teach, I can pray for the whole class. Everyone prepares their hearts to be wise with listening ears. I don’t know if ever I am allowed to do this, it is my dream.

Reflection 2015

  

也不知道是张家界的莓茶,甩手运动,适量的走路,饮食的注意,还是心情的愉快,坚持的读经。我的体重降到比16岁时还低的水平[偷笑](不知是不是以前稍微胖点),睡觉睡到自然醒[呲牙],思维活跃,渴慕学习。“万事都互相效应,让爱神的人得益处。”
  
What is love? Corinthians I 13:1-13:什么是爱?哥林多前书13:1 我若能说万人的方言,并天使的话语,却没有爱,我就成了鸣的锣,响的钹一般。13:2 我若有先知讲道之能,也明白各样的奥秘,各样的知识,而且有全备的信,叫我能够移山,却没有爱,我就算不得什么。13:3 我若将所有的周济穷人,又舍己身叫人焚烧,却没有爱,仍然与我无益。13:4 爱是恒久忍耐,又有恩慈;爱是不嫉妒;爱是不自夸,不张狂,13:5 不作害羞的事,不求自己的益处,不轻易发怒,不计算人的恶,13:6 不喜欢不义,只喜欢真理;13:7 凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐。13:8 爱是永不止息;先知讲道之能终必归于无有;说方言之能终必停止;知识也终必归于无有。13:13 如今常存的有信,有望,有爱,这三样,其中最大的是爱。

Conquer Depression

To: Jing

我想对你说一声迟来的“谢谢”。 for you talked to Xiaoyu to see me, take care of me during my depression. I was praying tonight and had the move that I should email those who helped me go through the tough times. I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and you are my precious sister in the Lord. I pray God pour his blessings upon you and your family!

Jing replied:

You are very welcome! Thank you for telling me this. It brings tears to my eyes (I cry easily nowadays). I appreciate your prayers and support too, as I go through tough times. God is faithful. He is worthy of our trust.

To: Suzanne

Hello from Montana! I am in a workshop here at Helena and really enjoy it.

This is a late Thank you letter that when I was praying tonight, I was touched to write to you.

I want to thank you for everything you did in 2005 (and all the time) during my depression. I never got a chance to Thank you. I really appreciated the things you did behind the scene, especially when I tried to quit my PhD, you said my mind wasn’t clear so that I couldn’t make the right decision. I thank you for the calls, visits, cards, prayers, etc., everything you’ve done for me.

I had to admit that I had 2 more times depression after graduation, and I tried to ask myself why this happened to me, and for multiple times. I pray to God as much as I could, finally I learned my weakness and the real problem underneath it. I boldly declare I am depression free by the grace of God, and I stopped the medicine in 2009. I’ve never felt better at this moment, and experienced God’s almighty power, his faithfulness and love.

I’ve learned so much from you, you are the real model in my life that positively affects me tremendously. I just thank God that I had the opportunity to meet with you and chose you as my advisor. It is such a blessing to me and for my children as the next generation from me.
I just want to say Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Suzanne replied:

I appreciate this honest message.

love Suzanne

To: Pam

Hello from Montana! I am in a workshop here at Helena and really enjoy it.

This is a late Thank you letter that when I was praying tonight, I was touched to write to you.

I want to thank you for everything you did in 2005 during my depression time behind the scene. I heard about it later, but never got a chance to Thank you.
I really appreciated the things you did behind the scene, like asked John to substitute for my teaching, kept my scholarship and all the other ” little tiny bit” things.

I had to admit that I had 2 more times depression after graduation, and I tried to ask myself why this happened to me, and multiple times. I pray to God as much as I could, finally I learned my weakness and the real problem. I boldly declare I am depression free by the grace of God, and I stopped the medicine in 2009. I’ve never felt better at this moment, and experienced God’s almighty power, his faithfulness and love.
I just want to say Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Pam replied;

Hello back to Montana! I hope you are enjoying your trip and are having a chance to take in some of the scenery while you are there. I hear it is beautiful!

I really appreciate you taking the time to think about me and send your message. Sometimes late message show up at just the right time. I’m especially glad I was there to be able to help you. Everyone has a rough patch from time to time. Recognizing the problem and working on it is the hardest part, but provides peace when we do. I’m glad you are doing well and hope I get the chance to see you sometime soon.

Take care and keep in touch,
Pam

10 things (ZT)

1、倾听,不要打断 Listen without Interrupting.

静静的聆听,是对他人的尊重,也是内心谦虚的表现。你若爱他,就多聆听!“心傲是灭亡的前导,心谦是光荣的前驱。”(箴言 18:12)

2、说话,不要指责 Speak without Accusing.

不要养成指责他人的习惯,尤其是在尚未弄清事情原委之前。很多人做错事情后,更渴望得到接纳,而不是指责。就像你在犯过错误之后,所渴望的一样。你若爱他,就不要指责!“我亲爱的弟兄们,你们应知道:每个人都该敏于听教,迟于发言。”(雅各伯书 1:19)

3、给予,不要保留 Give without Sparing.
面对别人的恳求,不要拒绝。能帮助别人的时候,不要迟疑。你今天帮了别人,明天别人也会帮你。即使他们都辜负了你,你在天上的父,也会给予你百倍的赏报,因为祂把一切都看在了眼里。你若爱他,就不要保留!“正义的人,广施不吝”(箴言 21:26)

4、祈祷,不要停止 Pray without Ceasing.

爱一个人,不仅仅只是给他一点东西。爱与不爱,并不是做给外人看的,而是做给自己的心看。请你常常在心里为他祈祷,不要停止。因为你真的爱他,就会让他先住在你的心里。爱他,就时时为他祈祷!“自从我们得到了报告那天起,就不断为你们祈祷,恳求天主使你们对祂的旨意有充分的认识,充满各种属神的智慧和见识。”(哥罗森书 1:9)

5、回答,不要争执 Answer without Arguing

人与人的相处,在于和睦,而不在于争执。家庭里面的人们,常常为了证明自己有理,而不断的为自己辩护,当每个人都在想着证明自己是正确的时候,争吵就不可避免。到最后,争论并没有带来和睦,反而是隔膜越来越大。你若爱他,就不要争执!“干饼一张而平安共食,胜过满屋佳肴而互相争吵。(箴言17:1)

6、分享,不要假裝 Share without Pretending

如果你真的在乎一个人,那么把你真实的自己与他分享。不要总是带着虚假的面具,装出一副迎合他的样子。假装,并不会让对方对你的喜欢增加一层,反而会在时间的流失中, 慢慢失去对你的信任。做最真实的自己,坚守来自天主的真理。你若爱他,就不要假装!你要在“爱德中持守真理,在各方面不断长进”(参阅厄弗所书4:5)

7、享受,不要抱怨 Enjoy without Complaint.

人在生活中,常常会陷入抱怨的漩涡。妻子抱怨丈夫,父母抱怨孩子,学生抱怨老师, 老板抱怨下属。每一个人总觉得对方亏欠了自己,每一个人都觉得自己受尽了委屈。但很少有人会在抱怨的同时,扪心自问,我是否也会成为别人抱怨的对象,我是否也曾亏欠过别人, 让别人受尽委屈?抱怨,并不能解决事情,只会让原本微小的事情越变越大。抱怨可以让你一时解气,但最终却会使你的气量越变越小,自己把自己孤立出别人的世界。你若爱他,就停止抱怨!“你们做一切事,总不可抱怨,也不可争论 ”(斐里伯書2:14)

8、信任,不要動搖 Trust without wavering.

很多时候,我们失去一个自己所爱的人,并不是谁把他夺走了,而是我们一步步将他推走。推走,不是因为我们不珍惜,而是因为我们太珍惜。太珍惜,就总想把他抓在自己的手里,慢慢的干涉多了,自由少了;专横多了,信任少了,隐藏多了,交流少了。爱,是信任中的责任,而不是猜疑中的束缚。“凡事包容,凡事相信,凡事盼望,凡事忍耐” (哥林多前書13:7)

9、原谅,不要惩罚 Forgive without Punishing.

不是别人做错了事情,就一定要去惩罚。你是为了他的成长,而不是为了让他难堪。有时候宽恕的力量胜过惩罚,柔软的力量强过坚硬。当你年老时,牙齿已经掉落,舌头却依旧健康。不要把别人的犯错,化为自己内心报复的机会。爱他,就原谅不要惩罚。

“上主慈悲为怀,宽宏大方,缓于发怒,仁爱无量。”(咏148:8)

10、承諾,不要忘記 Promise without Forgetting.
说过的话,总不要忘记。做不到就不要轻易承诺,爱你的人,不在乎你给他什么东西,却在乎你兑现诺言这个行为。爱一个人,就不要让他对你的盼望落空,多次的等待看不到结果,会让他以为在你心里已经没有了位置。爱他,就承诺不要忘记。

“希望迟不兑现,令人心神烦恼;愿望获得满足,是株生命树。” (箴言 13:12)

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