My God saved me

I love the universe, the ocean. I didn’t get the chance to be an astrophysicist or oceanographer, I am an applied mathematician. I enjoy reading the info on Facebook about the universe and the ocean. It opens a door for me to peek in and enjoy.

I once thought if we just believe in God the moment before we die, we will go to heaven and yet enjoyed the life on earth. Since I don’t want any reward from God, if I can only be a gatekeeper for Him. 

I was wrong. 

If we can live the life with God together, the earlier the better. Because through Him, we can live a more abundant life, a life full of peace and joy despite the hardship, difficulties and sickness. With Him in our life, either He walks with us, or He carries is in His arms, we have a positive, joyful life. 

After going through a very dark time, physically and emotionally, I almost gave up, deep in my mind, I knew God will not leave me nor forsake me, but I felt hopeless. It was a feeling that you don’t want to live, yet you don’t have the courage to commit suicide. Spiritually it was very uneasy. 

But God keeps His promise, He saved me before I totally sank in the darkness. The revitalization, the re-born, the renewal is unbelievable and indescribable. I love life again. I was not interested in anything. You may call it depression/anxiety, but it was a spiritual war. It is a war between yourself, the old one rooting deeply with a sprout coming from God. I took med before, I was told I need to take it for the rest of my life, just like med for high blood pressure. I didn’t believe it and I stopped my med long time ago. I pray I will never have it again, and I may be able to help someone because I experienced it. If it does happen, I will not be afraid, since my God is with me. He is my strength, my comforter and my love. 

He opens door for me, doors I never imagined that I can enter. Maybe deep in my heart, the very bottom, I trusted Him, I stepped out one small step, put my feet into the Jordan river, then it opens, widely open. 

Tears in my eyes, they are the rains after a long drought, they are the sstreams in the desert. I can not express my great gratitude to my God, long before I was born, He loved me, He loves me now, and He will love me until I see Him. 

It is such a splendid idea that we can live with Him together forever, for eternity.

I still have so many unanswered questions, many may not be answered when I am alive, it doesn’t matter. I know He loves me, He has mercy on me, a dirt from earth, that is enough. 

May all the glory and praise be given to Him. Amen!

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Thankful

I am very thankful to God, my almighty Lord.

I love the positive attitude and status I am currently experiencing, it is so good. 

I get up early (occasionally 4:30am) and sleep well, I wake up naturally and feel energized. It was impossible just a few months ago when I was unable to wake up. I could sleep hours. 

How did it happen? When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either He will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

I began to enjoy reading the scriptures again, using YouVersion Bible app. You can choose to do small 5-day, 7-day, 14-day, 60-day… challenge to start building yourself up. I also read Streams in the Desert. God’s words fill in my body, I eat it, drink it, feel it, and use it. 

I am very thankful. I gave up on myself, and thought I would live a zombie life to the end, and sink to the bottom. I lost any momentum and interest, but God renewed me, strengthened me and revived me. I pray this re-born can last to the end of the day I see Him. 

I pray the gift that God has granted me will be doubled with fruits. I honor and glorify Him in everything I do, to show that I am the child of God, an honorable descendant of Him, the One of the Past, Current and Future. 

 

 

Pray

I have mixed feelings about applying for full professor. In the spring, i wanted to give up, but know that if i never try, there is only one result. So i started to prepare the peer teaching evaluations, it was something deep in my mind that i still want to apply.

I got invited to host SCUDEM and be the faculty coach, i turned down that invitation but picked it up later. I got invited to be the guest editor for NRM and later to be the leader of the team.

I began passionately coaching students on SIMIODE modeling materials and advising research projects. I have loved it! This is the feeling that i haven’t had in a long time, the excitement, the eager to learn everything interests me, the love of God. 

I began to feel irritated the past several days because of the preparation process. I have to write, a lot, and find the appropriate dates, info on what i have done in the past 10 years, although i have collected documents over the years. I began to be afraid what if i cannot get promoted, rather than just have a try. I know my record and know my strong  areas and backbones. I am easily getting frustrated and irritated by others’ comments, my kids’ behavior which i cannot stand.

Until my hubby told me that i looked ugly in the face. There is evil thing coming out of my mouth because of it. What you have inside will show out. It is your subconscious.  It is deeply rooted in your heart. 

I need to stop it. I read:

When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

Oh, Father, hold onto me, and teach me how to fly and be submissive to you.

Purify my heart, let me bear the fruits of love, gentleness, faithfulness, peace, patience, joy, goodness, kindness and self control.

 

 

My Journey

I have not felt well in the past one and half years, spiritually and physically. It is a hard period of time. Although i have a great husband and two wonderful kids, they tolerate me. But…

I am still not quite sure how it happened, but I do know it is God. He works miraculously and changed me. I used to complain very often, get upset easily (I still do, but I will improve), and didn’t enjoy life. I wished i could stay at the moment where i was and continued until I died. It sounds insane, but it was my true feeling. That was one of the darkest moments I had.

My husband recommended a Bible reading App: YouVersion, he is a much stronger and consistent believer in Christ. I am very thankful to have him in my life when i was only 19 and have been continuing together throughout the years. I started to read it using the plan feature, since it requires very little effort to keep up and after i finished in a short time, i feel rewarded. 

Also my husband had to travel for a month and i needed to take care of two boys. On the bottom of my heart i know i can do it because “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I did it and I got closer to my kids and husband. God works through hardship to enhance you.

I sincerely wish i can go further in my Lord, who saved me from my death and revived me ever since. 

 

Hwy 96

今天9-12点是5月1日放假以来,我有3小时不用带着俩娃meeting,不用带着俩娃奔跑在summer camp之间,可以独处的时间[流泪]。

Highway 96是老公的渔友发现的一条美路。没去过加州1号公路。我跟朋友开车从田纳西到纽约州的Nyack, NY,自己开到D.C.(从TN到D.C.的路最绿最美),跟老公向北开到纽约市,向南开到佛罗里达的奥兰多。去过蒙大拿,落基山脉的豪放让我大开眼界,与天空的接近,长长的白昼是不同的感受。可是这条小highway是最美的!它有着乡村的宁静,也可以脑补阿尔卑斯山的壮观。

来回我开了50miles,正好50分钟。被4辆车超车,额严格按照限度行驶[偷笑]。经过了5个小桥加creek/river,3个墓地,3个baptist church,3个church of Christ,一个community church(看不清分类),4个谷仓/水塔?(那个圆柱形身体,半球形的东东),4个county,一片片玉米地,满眼就是绿色与蓝天白云,听完2盘赞美诗CD,又开始听《The Time Keeper》,Dan Stevens的声音太美了!额听了7-8遍了[偷笑]。5只vulture 在吃被撞死小动物的尸体。一些羊羔。今天没见到马和牛。

今天的天气就如我的心情,79-80度,和风,暖阳。

“耶和华是我的牧者,我必不至缺乏。
他使我躺卧在青草地上,领我到可安歇的水边。
……
我虽然行过死荫的幽谷,也不怕遭害,
因为你的杖,你的竿都安慰我。
……
我且要住在耶和华的殿中,直到永远。” (诗篇23章)

回来又开过了[偷笑](路盲),绕道Pitts Lane,我最爱的短路,两边豪宅林立[捂脸][机智]。

独处 – highway 96

今天9-12点是5月1日放假以来,我有3小时不用带着俩娃meeting,不用带着俩娃奔跑在summer camp之间,可以独处的时间[流泪]。

Highway 96是老公的渔友发现的一条美路。没去过加州1号公路。我跟朋友开车从田纳西到纽约州的Nyack, NY,自己开到D.C.(从TN到D.C.的路最绿最美),跟老公向北开到纽约市,向南开到佛罗里达的奥兰多。去过蒙大拿,落基山脉的豪放让我大开眼界,与天空的接近,长长的白昼是不同的感受。可是这条小highway是最美的!它有着乡村的宁静,也可以脑补阿尔卑斯山的壮观。

来回我开了50miles,正好50分钟。被4辆车超车,额严格按照限度行驶[偷笑]。经过了5个小桥加creek/river,3个墓地,3个baptist church,3个church of Christ,一个community church(看不清分类),4个谷仓/水塔?(那个圆柱形身体,半球形的东东),4个county,一片片玉米地,满眼就是绿色与蓝天白云,听完2盘赞美诗CD,又开始听《The Time Keeper》,Dan Stevens的声音太美了!额听了7-8遍了[偷笑]。5只vulture 在吃被撞死小动物的尸体。一些羊羔。今天没见到马和牛。

今天的天气就如我的心情,79-80度,和风,暖阳。

“耶和华是我的牧者,我必不至缺乏。

他使我躺卧在青草地上,领我到可安歇的水边。
……

我虽然行过死荫的幽谷,也不怕遭害,

因为你的杖,你的竿都安慰我。
……

我且要住在耶和华的殿中,直到永远。” (诗篇23章)

回来又开过了[偷笑](路盲),绕道Pitts Lane,我最爱的短路,两边豪宅林立[捂脸][机智]。

我喜欢春夏秋冬和每天的你(ZT)

   
“我喜欢夏天的雨

雨后的光

和任何时候的你”

——青慕《青慕 三行情诗集》

 
“谁说现在是冬天呢?

当你在我身旁时

我感到百花齐放,鸟唱蝉鸣。”

——夏洛蒂勃朗特《简爱》

   
我想要和你一起看春天最美的花

坐在夏天的树下看星星

一起走在秋天的黄昏里

让冬天的阳光温暖你

因为

我喜欢春夏秋冬和每天的你

    
    
    
 

Beauty of Winter

 冬虽隆寒逼人,

而梅白松青,装点春色;

又感六花飞絮,满地琼瑶。

兽炭生红,蚁酒凝绿;

狐裘貂帽,银烛留宾;

在尾兔毫,彩笺觅句:亦佳事也。

至如骏马猎平原,孤舟钓浅濑:

豪华寂寞,各自有致。  
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
 

Photos with Positive Energy

After you see these photos with positive  energy, stop complaining about anything. Embrace your life!

  
To lease the dog’s arthritis pain

 
The football champion shares his trophy

   
Going home

 
The famous Nick

   
 
True love story begins here

   
    
   
What a happily after!