Why Hod created human?

This is a question I have been pondering for a long time. One answer is love. God loves us deeply more than we can understand.

There was nothing in the beginning, no human, not a single person.

Then we were created. From the beginning God knows who will follow Him, who won’t. That means when Adam was created, God knew there would be people sinking into hell and suffer forever, as the same time, those who believe will share the glory with Him to eternity.

I wish this logic is wrong and someone can correct it.

You may say God is just, the price for sin is death. My point is if there was no human being created in the first place, nothing would happen.

Of course you can argue we are the clay, whatever the pottery do to the clay, clay cannot have a choice. But isn’t free will the most precious gift from God?

I just don’t understand the suffering, especially the eternal suffering, it is unbearable and hopeless. I wish everyone can go to heaven, but it is impossible, isn’t it?

Maybe some day in the future, when I read what I had written today and laugh at the zero faith by me. I wish that day can come sooner.

God, please help.

Where your heart is, where your heaven is

曾经想过穿越回到某个时刻[偷笑](电视看多了),直到有天接受 interview 问:“Do you want to change anything you have experienced so far? (这一生到现在你想改变什么吗?)”


[惊讶] 额自己都惊了[太阳]。我享受所有的经历:失败,痛苦,疾病,以及美好与❤️。人生不如意,十之八九。但生活不止眼前的苟且,还有远方的田野和科技[耶]。


Prayer Boot Camp


Recent response to the movie War Room indicates that God is calling His people to prayer, and God’s people are responding with a hunger to learn to pray more effectively and strategically. Developed by Claude King, Prayer Boot Camp is a flexible prayer training experience to provide basic training in prayer and to introduce the weapons of our spiritual warfare. It is not just learning about prayer. It is learning to pray by praying together. The content is based on The Battle Plan for Prayer by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, developers of War Room.

The Prayer Boot Camp utilizes a learning map that guides learning and prayer experiences based on content from The Battle Plan for Prayer.


See you

Though I do not see you in face

I know you in my heart and through my hardship, I see you

It is not easy to see you with my own eyes

I tried to escape from you, hide from you

I stayed in my shell and darkness

Until one day I have nowhere to go

I need your light, shine upon me

I was refusing free will, but eventually I found it is the most precious gift I’ve ever had

Born in flesh, I was reborn in your mercy and love

Hold me tight, walk with me, fight my battle, grow in You

Be like you, infinitesimal close to you, my love and broom 

I have so many questions to ask, 

When I really see you in heaven, 

All the answers will be revealed to me

I am so looking forward to seeing you

My God saved me

I love the universe, the ocean. I didn’t get the chance to be an astrophysicist or oceanographer, I am an applied mathematician. I enjoy reading the info on Facebook about the universe and the ocean. It opens a door for me to peek in and enjoy.

I once thought if we just believe in God the moment before we die, we will go to heaven and yet enjoyed the life on earth. Since I don’t want any reward from God, if I can only be a gatekeeper for Him. 

I was wrong. 

If we can live the life with God together, the earlier the better. Because through Him, we can live a more abundant life, a life full of peace and joy despite the hardship, difficulties and sickness. With Him in our life, either He walks with us, or He carries is in His arms, we have a positive, joyful life. 

After going through a very dark time, physically and emotionally, I almost gave up, deep in my mind, I knew God will not leave me nor forsake me, but I felt hopeless. It was a feeling that you don’t want to live, yet you don’t have the courage to commit suicide. Spiritually it was very uneasy. 

But God keeps His promise, He saved me before I totally sank in the darkness. The revitalization, the re-born, the renewal is unbelievable and indescribable. I love life again. I was not interested in anything. You may call it depression/anxiety, but it was a spiritual war. It is a war between yourself, the old one rooting deeply with a sprout coming from God. I took med before, I was told I need to take it for the rest of my life, just like med for high blood pressure. I didn’t believe it and I stopped my med long time ago. I pray I will never have it again, and I may be able to help someone because I experienced it. If it does happen, I will not be afraid, since my God is with me. He is my strength, my comforter and my love. 

He opens door for me, doors I never imagined that I can enter. Maybe deep in my heart, the very bottom, I trusted Him, I stepped out one small step, put my feet into the Jordan river, then it opens, widely open. 

Tears in my eyes, they are the rains after a long drought, they are the sstreams in the desert. I can not express my great gratitude to my God, long before I was born, He loved me, He loves me now, and He will love me until I see Him. 

It is such a splendid idea that we can live with Him together forever, for eternity.

I still have so many unanswered questions, many may not be answered when I am alive, it doesn’t matter. I know He loves me, He has mercy on me, a dirt from earth, that is enough. 

May all the glory and praise be given to Him. Amen!


I am very thankful to God, my almighty Lord.

I love the positive attitude and status I am currently experiencing, it is so good. 

I get up early (occasionally 4:30am) and sleep well, I wake up naturally and feel energized. It was impossible just a few months ago when I was unable to wake up. I could sleep hours. 

How did it happen? When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either He will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

I began to enjoy reading the scriptures again, using YouVersion Bible app. You can choose to do small 5-day, 7-day, 14-day, 60-day… challenge to start building yourself up. I also read Streams in the Desert. God’s words fill in my body, I eat it, drink it, feel it, and use it. 

I am very thankful. I gave up on myself, and thought I would live a zombie life to the end, and sink to the bottom. I lost any momentum and interest, but God renewed me, strengthened me and revived me. I pray this re-born can last to the end of the day I see Him. 

I pray the gift that God has granted me will be doubled with fruits. I honor and glorify Him in everything I do, to show that I am the child of God, an honorable descendant of Him, the One of the Past, Current and Future. 




I have mixed feelings about applying for full professor. In the spring, i wanted to give up, but know that if i never try, there is only one result. So i started to prepare the peer teaching evaluations, it was something deep in my mind that i still want to apply.

I got invited to host SCUDEM and be the faculty coach, i turned down that invitation but picked it up later. I got invited to be the guest editor for NRM and later to be the leader of the team.

I began passionately coaching students on SIMIODE modeling materials and advising research projects. I have loved it! This is the feeling that i haven’t had in a long time, the excitement, the eager to learn everything interests me, the love of God. 

I began to feel irritated the past several days because of the preparation process. I have to write, a lot, and find the appropriate dates, info on what i have done in the past 10 years, although i have collected documents over the years. I began to be afraid what if i cannot get promoted, rather than just have a try. I know my record and know my strong  areas and backbones. I am easily getting frustrated and irritated by others’ comments, my kids’ behavior which i cannot stand.

Until my hubby told me that i looked ugly in the face. There is evil thing coming out of my mouth because of it. What you have inside will show out. It is your subconscious.  It is deeply rooted in your heart. 

I need to stop it. I read:

When God pushes you to the edge, trust Him fully, because only two things can happen. Either he will catch you when you fall or He will teach you how to fly.

Oh, Father, hold onto me, and teach me how to fly and be submissive to you.

Purify my heart, let me bear the fruits of love, gentleness, faithfulness, peace, patience, joy, goodness, kindness and self control.



My Journey

I have not felt well in the past one and half years, spiritually and physically. It is a hard period of time. Although i have a great husband and two wonderful kids, they tolerate me. But…

I am still not quite sure how it happened, but I do know it is God. He works miraculously and changed me. I used to complain very often, get upset easily (I still do, but I will improve), and didn’t enjoy life. I wished i could stay at the moment where i was and continued until I died. It sounds insane, but it was my true feeling. That was one of the darkest moments I had.

My husband recommended a Bible reading App: YouVersion, he is a much stronger and consistent believer in Christ. I am very thankful to have him in my life when i was only 19 and have been continuing together throughout the years. I started to read it using the plan feature, since it requires very little effort to keep up and after i finished in a short time, i feel rewarded. 

Also my husband had to travel for a month and i needed to take care of two boys. On the bottom of my heart i know i can do it because “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I did it and I got closer to my kids and husband. God works through hardship to enhance you.

I sincerely wish i can go further in my Lord, who saved me from my death and revived me ever since.